Relationship Advice the New Bachelor Needs to Know

the new bachelor
Photo: ABC

While we all impatiently await the announcement of the season 19 Bachelor, I got to thinking about a few relationship pointers the new guy definitely needs. Even though it may seem easy (let’s be honest, 25 single women throwing themselves at you isn’t hard), the new Bachelor could benefit from these basic reality-TV romance tips:

• Before you even step foot in that mansion you better know the different “your” and “you’re”.
• Trust me when I say that you need to weed out the aggressive ones as soon as humanly possible. It shouldn’t be too hard – they’re the crazy-eyed contestants with a rum and coke in hand who make comments like “what should we name our firstborn?” and “is it okay if I watch you sleep?
• Just because a grown woman doesn’t want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane on one of your so-called “extreme dates” doesn’t mean she’s boring. Maybe she’s just, I don’t know…sane?
• It might be worth pulling Chris Harrison aside and asking him if you can switch up the flowers this season. Roses are just a little overplayed at this point.
• If other girls are consistently bad-mouthing another contestant, take note. There’s a reason sane women watch the show and the crazy ones actually apply.
• Just because you have a solid head of hair and a straight-out-of-a-Crest-ad smile doesn’t mean you don’t have to work for it. Okay, well maybe you don’t have to work as hard since these women are practically throwing themselves at you. But a little chivalry goes a long way.
• Here’s an easy one: Don’t take her home to mom if you don’t, in fact, want her to meet your mother. Meeting the fam is a big step; so if you bring her back for a hometown date only to dump her hours later, I’m betting she won’t be happy.
• If you propose, fine. Good for you. But please, do us a favor and don’t ride off into the sunset on horseback (or on an elephant, à la Sean and Catherine). It’s bad enough that we’re subjected to your cheesy fairy-tale ending, but leave the poor animals out of it.

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