9 Annoying Things Every Couple Does During the Holidays
Yay, holidays! Yay, happy couples! These are two joyous things. But sometimes they collide in a way that makes the rest of want to snap the heads off gingerbread men. So this year, why not give everyone the best gift of all and avoid these annoying holiday habits.
1. You Flaunt Your Holiday HaulYou know that couple that loves to shower each other with extravagant presents? Diamond bracelets, Rolex watches, bow-wrapped BMWs, luxury cruises—nothing says holiday love to them like a maxed-out credit card. Well, nine times out of ten that couple also delights in rubbing their glitzy gifts in other people’s faces: “Just LOOOOK at this rock that Ken gave me!” (Um, do we really have to?)
2. Cheer! Cheer! Cheer! You’re Cheer-Gushers“You simply MUST help us decorate the tree!!!!!” (on November 3rd). “Merry Christmas!!!!!!” (on December 10th). “Has Santa been good to you this year?!!?” (to a 25-year-old). Look, not to be a Grinch, but can we all agree to just take it down a notch?
3. You’re Holiday Party PDAersThis tradition is as old as Santa Claus and Rudolph combined: every year at holiday parties across the country you’re bound to find some couple tonguing each other by the fireplace, groping by the gifts, and making all the little elves nearby blush. Remember: Mistletoe is for kissing, not for mauling.
4. You Send Way-Too-Cute Holiday CardsCute is fine. You deserve to be cute. But some holiday cards ooze a level of cuteness that, frankly, ought to be grounds for imprisonment: photos of you two riding a single bicycle, or laughing during a snowball fight, or kissing…in Paris...in matching berets…under the Arc de Triomphe. Please spare our bulletin boards all that sap. (The one exception to this rule: cards with puppies and/or babies. In that case, the cuter the better.)
5. You Wear Matching Christmas SweatersYou can maybe pull this holiday cliché off—maaaayyybbe—if you happen to look like Gisele and Tom Brady. For the rest of us mortals though, let’s keep those matching sweaters where they belong: in the 3rd grade Christmas pageant.
6. You Act Like You’re “Too Cool for the Holidays”The polar opposite of the Cheer-Gushers: you roll your eyes at every hint of holiday joy, sulk at every party, and proclaim things like “Christmas is for sheep.” (FYI: this condition inevitably fades away after the 3rd glass of eggnog.)
7. You Hashtag the Holiday Spirit“#Thanks to my #bf for such a wonderful #present!!” “Doug and I want to wish you #HappyHolidays!” “We’re trimming the tree!!!!” #lights #ornaments #pineneedles #tinsel. Look, we won’t pretend to fully understand the true meaning of Christmas, but we’re pretty sure that it has nothing to do with social media. (#BahHumbug)
8. You Spend the Holidays In “Couples Only” ModeWe get that the holidays are special. We get that your love as a couple is special. But that does not mean that everything you do from Thanksgiving to New Year’s needs to exclude your friends, family, and the world outside your sugar-plum-scented relationship bubble. So rain check that ice-skating date for two and come join in everybody else’s reindeer games for a while.
9. You Get Too Cozy With Each Other’s Family Too SoonWe’ve all been there: that first time you bring a Significant Other into your home for the holidays can be pretty tricky territory. Especially if you’ve only been dating a few months. But acting like you’re already an intricate part of the nuclear family—slapping the dad on the knees, rolling on the floor with the dog, and yucking it up with Grandma—can only add to the awkwardness. Everything in moderation, people…even at Christmas.
– Jeff Wilser is the editor of groom website ThePlunge.com and the author of The Maxims of Manhood. You can follow him on Twitter here.