Our Top 10 Alleged Reasons For the TomKat Split

tom cruise, katie holmes, split, divorce
Photo: starbuddies.com

After a five mind-numbing blissful years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are headed for Splitsville. Hmm, what could have led to such a shocking turn of events? There are tons of possible answers. We’ve come up with ten – and we insist on believing they’re all true.

1. Tom ruined all the seating in the house with his penchant for couch-jumping, and the final straw was Katie’s beloved Victorian chaise.

2. Without shoe lifts and clever camera angles, Tom actually stands 5’2” in his bare feet – and Katie wore through all of her fashionable flats.

3. Katie wanted another baby – and one silent birth was all she could reasonably be expected to handle.

4. One too many paparazzi shots in which she was required to be “caught” makeup-free. I mean, a girl can only take so much.

5. That blockbuster career Tom promised her in exchange for her looking reasonably happy most of the time for five years? Never happened.

6. One too many missed Scientology meetings and Katie was ostracized by her fellow thetans.

7. Tom insisted on revisiting his adult braces look.

8. Katie was actually the one having the affair with John Travolta.

9. Her meds wore off.

10. Katie reignited a torrid affair with Joshua Jackson of Dawson’s Creek. (Ok, maybe this one’s just wishful thinking.)